I was very nervous for our first performance and I wanted to bring the best version of each character I’ve built, but I was very proud of the work I produced during the first performance of our show. As a company, we spoke about how we felt the audience didn’t receive the performance well because there wasn’t much laughter throughout the piece, but I still thought they enjoyed it without showing it as much. There are more reasons than just comedy to know that the audience are soaking in the information, people react to things differently and I was happy that I got the opportunity to discuss with my family how they were feeling about the show and what it meant to them. They said they found the story confusing at points but there were some funny moments inside of the show, but they felt it was insensitive to laugh because even though it’s funny, there are a lot of sensitive moments that surround the comedic ones and they didn’t feel it was appropriate which I agree with and would feel the same if I was in the audience, and I think we need to take this mindset into our final performance tomorrow. I was prepared for the audience to be confused at some elements of the story as it took me a while to read and digest the play when we first picked it, and the rehearsal process did elevate my knowledge of each story, but I knew if it took me that long to comprehend the piece, the audience would struggle too.
However, something that I was very proud of during our first performance was the emotion I was able to portray during Faith In Ourselves. I’ve been on a massive journey with Anya and the moment I first read the scene and realised how complex it was, I knew it was going to be a challenge. I enjoyed going through emotional workshops, looking at what Anya’s facing and channelling this into my previous experiences and what would work for me to tap into these emotions. I kept attempting to put myself in her shoes but I never got much out of it and as much as I researched refugees and families being torn apart in these situations, I could never develop the right emotion for this scene and it made me really frustrated. My aim for this process was to showcase myself in a different light, as I’m used to playing the child or the comedic character, which I have in this process and I’ve really enjoyed it, but I want people to see that I can be so much more than that, that I’ve been working on developing my versatility and I wanted to challenge myself into feeling this kind of emotion as I haven’t had the opportunity to explore this more. I was getting heavily annoyed with the work I was producing but after we were told to strip the scene back and look for the honesty inside of it, I felt more comfortable with portraying that emotion without worrying about heightening the character, and during the run we did after these notes, I was able to tap into these emotions so easily but really immersing myself in the scene and getting so caught up in the action, almost so much that I forgot my lines. I managed to get myself into the same position tonight and I was so proud and happy of the work I created. It felt much more true to the characters and the story, and it's the strongest and most emotionally invested performance I feel like I’ve given since the process began.
A scene I really need to work on for the next performance is Untitled. I've really enjoyed developing the character for this scene and playing with the physicality and voice, but I sometimes lose this when I'm concentrating on the dialogue and this was one of the occasions where I let that happen. I started the scene with a really heightened character that I felt confident with after going away and developing even further after the notes we were given in our last rehearsal, but I let my nerves overpower me, which led to me worrying about the words, rushing through the dialogue and losing all signs of the character I started with. I was very disappointed with how I handled this and I was confident in the dialogue. I worked using my attempted dictionary to create an understanding of what opinions this person is trying to get across, and I was frustrated in how I handled this moment which may have led to even more confusion within the audience. For the next show, whenever I feel myself falling out of my character and instead of getting myself flustered, I think it would be important for me to take a breath, check in with myself as the actor as well as where the character is at this moment in time and make sure every word is enunciated, which this character in particular would do, when coping with complex dialogue. I'm very happy with how I learned this story, especially after being very confused by the premise, but now I need to embrace this character more and make sure I hit my objectives, not just for this scene but all of them.
Overall, I thought my performances throughout the first show were some of the best I've produced during this process. I found it really easy to tap into emotions because I lost myself in the scene, and after being frustrated about being able to do this I feel very proud that the first show gave me a chance to. Tonight, I want to go away and look at how, me as an individual and us as a company, can make the plot less confusing for the audience and look at some moments where we didn't emphasise the message enough, especially in moments that felt very rushed. I think it's important that we slow the pace down on a lot of the scenes and let the dust settle more, so the audience can soak up what they've just witnessed before we throw them into the next story. I was really proud of everyone's performances and I hope we can add to this even further tomorrow night!
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